Monday, March 31, 2008

Bertie - an innocent man

Leave poor Bertie alone,
the man has done nothing but great things for this country.
he single-handedly brought peace to this island, gave us some years of boom and also was responsible for the hot dry summers of 2006 and I think 1999 also.
The man has done more for this country than DeValera, Lemass, Parnell, Pearse and Tone put together.
He is the greatest leader that ever lived and we should treat him accordingly.
Just take a look at all the great things he has overseen as leader of this great country:
Our health system is a monument to greatness. It is a wonderfully run system where every single person in this country is guaranteed a standard of healthcare bettered only by 70 other countries including rich countries like Cuba.
Our public transport system is now the envy of the world thanks to our Taoiseach. Several buses and trains are in operation now, many with air conditioning and capable of travelling at medium speeds without engines exploding. Our trains are a wonderful service, leaving out that you may have to travel 100km in the wrong direction to get a train.
Our roads: Our 100km of motorway are first rate and our primary and secondary roads are also excellent when you take the time to slow down and avoid the swimming pools kindly built into the roads by county councils.
Our broadband network is among the best in the world. Here i am typing away at record speed on a modem capable of whopping 56k speeds. It's running at 36 at the moment but that's only because there are two people using internet at the minute. Fair enough, if I was in a big town I'd have 2MB. Who needs that 10mb stuff they have in England and France anyway?
Our Education system has gone from teaching silly things like maths, English and Irish to teaching kids about important things like their feelings and sex education. Now kids will be able to go safely into the world of work knowing that their feelings will help them diagnose hyperglycaemia in a patient that is sitting in front of them when they become doctors.
Also, the new Leaving Certificate Applied (LCA) programme has ensured the country of many genius graduates leaving our schools and becoming involved in many worthwhile jobs such as government artists (drawing dole).

Anyway, here I have only listed a few of the great man's achievements. Some other day I will go through in detail, how Bertie gave away a load of gas and oil off our coast so that we wouldn't have to be hindered by the refining process and then having to sell it off for huge profit so that Ireland would be richer than Saudi Arabia.

A great and innocent man - Leave him alone
Good day to you all.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

St Patrick's Day - Irish Style

In Chicago, They dye the river green to celebrate St Patrick's Day. In Ireland, the Liffey runs murky grey on "Paddy's Day".
Ireland needs to look at itself very hard after yet another disgraceful display of drunken antics for all the tourists to see.
No longer is mass well attended with a sprig of shamrock or a St Patrick's day ribbon pinned on a good suit or jumper.
No, we have replaced this with giant novelty green leprechaun hats and inflatable shamrocks to be adorned on puke stained t-shirts and tops.
Throughout the world, St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in a dignified manner by ex-pats and natives of these countries alike. Not so in this festering cess pool of sin that we now call home.
The Celtic Tiger has made us different, you see We may have gained some wealth (that too is debatable when we see recession hit us like a ten tonne truck)
The people in ireland are indisputably less friendly than we used to be. We have become monstrous creatures capable of harming each other on dink fuelled binges of violence.
we do not need a reason any longer to lash out.
Take Finglas on Monday.
I can't imagine this happening in the 1980s without massive public outcry. However, two days later it is already forgotten about.
Not nice at all but some other crime will occur today which will take away from those horrific scenes.
Another question emerges from all this.
What were our brave boys in blue doing?
The disturbances were reported early in the day but PC Plod et al did not arrive til very late on.
You see our cowardly guards are afraid of these little thugs because they might fight back. Yet these same cowards are well able to act like thugs when they know their victims will not fight back.
It was very easy for 250 of our finest to give hidings to men women and children in North Mayo, safe in the knowledge that these people wouldn't fight back.
Cowards and Bullies,
I salute you.
Signing off.
The Ranter